Hello, my friends. I know I've been gone for quite some time now, and I apologize for that. I've had some weeks recently where I just felt completely overwhelmed with everything I was doing. I didn't feel depressed, or sad. I just felt like everything I wanted to do took so much energy. All I've wanted lately has been naps. I've missed you, though. I had a point a few weeks ago where I felt like my brain actually wasn't going to implode, and I started to write to you. Then guess what happened: I touched SOMETHING on my phone - I don't even know what I touched, and EVERYTHING I had typed was gone. When that happened, I truly didn't have the strength to type it all again; and I knew it wouldn't sound the same so I gave up. Giving up wasn't the right thing to do, but I really couldn't bring myself to start over. I went to sleep instead. I've worked through most of those feelings I had swirling inside of me, and I'm feeling much more balanced these days. I still have a few things I'm figuring out, but I feel like I've gotten back to my normal madness and I've gotten rid of the extra madness. Thank you for showing me so much support while I've been away. I see how many of you still visit, day after day, waiting for me. I am truly touched and inspired to continue being a positive voice in your lives.
I know when I last left you I had a few things I was excited about telling you about. Let's catch up quickly and I'll move on. I know that's old news for you by now (lol).
Let me start this portion of the update by saying my brother is the one coolest dude I know. He took me to Massachusetts to visit a friend of his for the weekend and do "car stuff". I've recently become more enthusiastic about mechanics and cars because it's something my brother loves, and I'll learn about anything if it means our relationship continues to grow. So - we drive out there and get to his friend's house. There was already food waiting on us (I love food), then the next thing I remember hearing is, "Alright. Shakira, you ready to go racing?" Of course my response was, "YEAH!" So we get in the car and a cop rolls past us. Mind you, right before we got in the car they were tuning back and forth down the street and making a helluvuhlotta noise. So, needless to say, after the cop passed us we got out of the car and walked right back into the house. My brother's friend even lost his shoe getting out of the back seat of his beautiful Porsche 944.
So fast forward to driving around. I was having a blast. We ran a Panamera and the look on his face when he realized he couldn't catch us was epic. By the end of the night I was feeling like I knew how a turbo worked my whole life. All in all, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and the experience with my brother was priceless.
Seeing the justice system from the inside is a very different experience from watching Law and Order on the couch with a cup of juice and a turkey sandwich. Mind you, this was no high-profile homicide case, but I definitely got a better understanding of what happens when you're chosen to truly make a judgement against another human being. It all starts pretty calmly. If your number is called, you go sit in the box and the judge asks you questions. Depending on your answers you either stay until the end and see if either lawyer has any objections to you, or you are dismissed by the judge. I, of course, told them that I don't watch the news so no one had any objections to me. I listened to each side, and I chose what I thought was fair. I'll be honest, though, I felt for the side I voted against. I could tell the guy was truly struggling with what he was going through. On the second day of the process we had heard everything we needed to hear and we took a vote. It was a majority vote within 15 minutes. We gave our verdict to the judge, and 10 minutes later we were dismissed. It was interesting. The entire process was interesting. I hope I never have to do it again.
So now that you're caught up on the last two things I had mentioned, let's get to the new stuff. My brother recently had emergency surgery on his eyeball. Yes, you heard that right. My brother had surgery on his eyeball. He was working and did something he never does during the ONE time he doesn't wear his safety glasses. He ended up pretty much stabbing himself in the eye with a screwdriver. He said he tried to keep working but his eye was burning badly so he drove himself to his primary doctor. Yup, again, he DROVE HIMSELF to the doctor AFTER having STABBED HIMSELF IN THE EYEBALL WITH A SCREWDRIVER. My mom met him at the doctor, and got the news that they needed to see an eye specialist. She drove him for almost an hour - getting a police escort for part of the way - as fast as she safely could. The doctors gave him a vision test and looked at his eye, and then they said he would need emergency surgery or he could lose his eye. The puncture in his sclera had made a way for his iris to "leak" out of the hole. The doctors had to place his iris back where it was supposed to be and stitch the hole he had in his eye.
The surgery went great and the doctors were able to save his eye. The hard part, though, was the after care. He was prescribed drops that he had to put in his eye on a specific schedule, and I am not kidding when I tell you watching him having to take those drops is one of the hardest things I've ever had to see in my life. Having to give him the drops myself made my stomach turn. It was so painful for him. It was torture. EVERY TWO HOURS we had to give him these drops. EVERY TWO HOURS I had to hurt my brother and make him feel pain I don't know I could handle myself. It was bad. But I'm thankful it didn't last long. Two weeks later he was doing his own drops and they were barely painful. He wasn't in constant pain, and he was starting to pick up things that were heavier than 5 pounds.
He made an amazing recovery, and he still has 20/20 vision. His iris is not round anymore, but he says it just makes him look like he's a Rick and Morty character. I love his optimism.
So that's just one thing I had going on.
Oh, I changed all of my brakes on my car by myself.... Ok, ok, I used my brother for the things I wasn't strong enough to do. He just supervised for most of it. Just a small point: next time I will NOT take a nap first. I will get the brakes done first because I'd rather not be out there trying to use one flashlight to help me see everything at once.
I think I've used all the words I have now. Again, my apologies for being so lost in recent weeks. I will work to bring more balance into my life, and I will not be so distant. Goodnight, my friends. I wish you much positivity in your lives.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.