Hello, Loves. I'm having a hard time right now. There has been a lot going on over the past couple of weeks, and emotionally I am pretty much all jumbled up. I have a clear direction of what mental and emotional state I'm working toward, and I can see the path AND THE PROGRESS, but I needed to write to you and talk this through with you.
Let me start with two weekends ago. I went for a short weekend nearby vacay with my family for my daughters' birthdays. It was amazing. We had so much fun just being with each other and sharing those new experiences together. In the middle of it all, though, I got a phone call from someone I was not expecting a phone call from - my father. I hadn't spoken to him since last October when he forgot my birthday then got upset with me for setting boundaries for my own life.
Needless to say I was caught off guard by the call. He told me he was sorry and he missed me and all the other things men say when they want a woman to forgive them (because you don't have to be dating a man for him to pour honey in your ear then break your heart). I listened and spoke, being sure to keep a good balance of both. I agreed to see him. Fast forward a few days and here I am pulling up to a restaurant wondering what's going to happen this time.
I go inside. He's not there. Mind you, when we made these plans he promised he would be early, but we all know how promises sometimes go. I wait. For a full 15 minutes I wait. Then just as I was so angry and hurt that I wanted to cry I called my brother. He's always a voice of reason for me. I was trying really hard to keep it together. Then the phone rings.
It's nothing but dramatics and excuses and I don't want to hear any more. Skipping forward a bit, I decide I don't want to do this anymore. I decide that knowing this man is not worth my sanity. I decide to draw my line in the sand and leave it there.
The most important thing about this story, though, is that I did all of this from a place of love. My father has been far from anything ideal, but I love him regardless. I love him through his faults and mistakes. I love myself enough to set boundaries. I did a really hard thing because I knew it was best. The way things are now isn't healthy for either of us and I love us both enough to say "enough".
So never be afraid to draw your line. And if you are afraid, know that it WILL be alright. Do what is right for you. If that means severing ties with someone you love, make sure it comes from love. Don't be spiteful or angry. Only hurt can grow from spite and anger. Be loving. Be open to put conditions on people if they want your energy, but ALWAYS come from love.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.