There have been times in my life when I've had expectations about things that were honest and endearing, but just not realistic. I try to keep my feelings in check, but I know myself well enough to know that when I feel something, I feel very strongly very quickly - sometimes to a fault. I try to be as open as possible, but I end up making myself more vulnerable than I intended, and I'm the one left wanting in the end. I promised myself after a situation a while back that I would be more careful about who I invested my energy in; and when it comes to friends and acquaintances I've done a great job. I seem to have been wholly unsuccessful, though, in terms of attractions to the opposite sex.
I want you all to know that having feelings is a good thing. You can't go through life with a chip on your shoulder pretending nothing can get under your skin. You can't lie to yourself either, though. It's extremely important that you're honest with yourself and understand what your feelings mean, and if they are healthy for you. You can find yourself in a position that leaves you feeling more alone and underappreciated than ever before. When that happens you need to drill into your head that you ARE enough. You are becoming a better version of yourself every day and you deserve to be happy.
No matter what the situation is, no matter what the feelings are that you're struggling with, never forget you are the only person who can control how another person's actions land on you. You can't always control how you feel initially, or even after a while, but you can work through it. You can be the one who decides what to carry with you and what to let go of. You don't have to feel rejected because that's just not reality - it's a story you've told yourself based on how you feel and what you've expressed to someone else.
Don't tell yourself stories, my lovely people. Live in what you know about yourself, and leave the rest up to the universe. If someone wants your time and energy, they will show you. If they don't, they don't deserve you anyway. Stay strong and be you. Never be afraid to be by yourself, and never take that time alone for granted.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.