You don't really know what lonely feels like until you've spent so much time with yourself that you're not lonely because you're bored. You don't know the true definition of lonliness until you're content - even happy - alone, but the feeling of lonliness stems from wanting a particular person's attention but you're left to make due with minimalism.
You strain your ears to hear a notification on your phone that doesn't come for hours. You constantly push a button on the side of your phone to light up the screen and see if maybe, just maybe, you missed a notification and there's a message waiting for you.
The disappointment you feel in yourself for having had expectations at all, knowing they most likely wouldn't be met does not subside. You just try to fool yourself into thinking you were checking your phone for some other reason. You try to forget about your expectations. Then what happens? You get a notification on your phone... and it's not who you're looking for. And the cycle starts all over again. You tuck that knot in your stomach up under your ribs and you keep pretending to not be waiting for one person.
That feeling in your stomach that you tuck under your ribs is your lonliness. You only truly know that feeling when you're in love.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.