Hello my beautiful people. I have some thoughts I want to get out while I have this drink in my hand and these words on my fingertips. I went to Texas this week to visit two people in particular who are very important to me. One is my best friend of almost ten years and the other is a man who has held my mushy heart in his hands for quite some time now. To say the least, the trip meant a lot to me because I hadn't seen either one of them in a long time. I needed that time to heal from some really significant losses my best friend and I have shared over the last couple of months. I needed her to know that although we live so far from one another we are in no way disconnected. We, at all times, share love and positivity across the vastness of the space between us. I needed that time with this man to feel something I haven't felt in a really long time. I needed to be close to him and express myself. I needed him to see my face and hear my heart.
I'm sharing this with you all because I want you to know in your own lives that there are no boundaries you have to "live your emotions" by. When I say that, I mean that if you have a feeling about someone or something you should follow your heart. If you feel that you need to put effort into having a conversation with someone, then you need to have that conversation. If you feel you need to put effort into a situation you've been distant from, make the time to put that effort in. Your life should be an accumulation of things you do for yourself to learn what you need and what you like and act on that. You must, at all times, be true to yourself - if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? I can't even explain the fear of rejection I felt before I even opened my mouth to have a conversation to this man, but I knew it was a conversation I needed to have. I knew I had no choice but to get these words out of my mind and express to him what I thought and how I felt about our relationship.
I was not met with rejection. I was met with open ears and an acknowledgement of reality that was somehow comforting. I felt heard and valued and I was thankful for him not telling me what I wanted to hear. He was honest. He was gentle. I appreciated every part of our time together and our understanding of what we both want and need.
You should never be afraid to do what I did. Speak up for yourself and what you know will bring more peace into your life. Don't be afraid to love yourself enough to do things that put you outside your comfort zone. We cannot grow if we never step over the lines we set for ourselves out of fear of being uncomfortable.
I shared space with a woman who is working to step outside of her boundaries and I couldn't be more proud to say she plays such in significant part in my life. I love her for the way she pushes herself and acknowledges her fears. She works hard to grow into the things that have the potential to bring more beauty into her life. I admire her greatly, and I pray she knows even an inkling of how much she means to me. She asked me a question that I was unable to answer completely without tears in my eyes for how proud I am to call her my friend. We spoke about our feelings. We got things into the air that we had been holding onto for just that moment together without even realizing we had been waiting to see each other. It felt like I had never moved across the country. It felt like we fell into the love we have for each other with vulnerability and trust, and came out on the other side of our conversation with renewed strength, confidence, and understanding of the place we are in our lives.
We openly and purposefully loved one another with support and understanding. It was important. It was fulfilling. It was pain and emotional exhaustion. It was laughs and positive energy. It was everything we needed it to be.
So, my loves, I tell you all of this to say again that there will be times in your life when you just need what you need. It may be as simple as a lunch with someone who is important to you, or it may be as complicated as an in depth conversation about your heart with someone you love. No matter what it is that will bring you peace, if it matters to you, it matters. You are allowed to desire time and situations that will help bring love into your life. Never sacrifice that.
I am never afraid to share my heart with you if I think it will help you share and explore your heart with yourself.
As always, be strong my beautiful people.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.