Dear Mr. Not Single But Lonely,
First, let me say I know. I know exactly how you're feeling. I know what it feels like to try so hard to communicate with someone and they just refuse to take responsibility for their actions. They let you speak your whole truth, but refuse to acknowledge their role in the healing. In the situation I was in I think the other person just wanted to pretend nothing happened instead of working through reality.
All I can tell you, my dear, is to accept that you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. You can't make her process things differently. She may not ever see your situation in a way that makes sense to you.
But what are you going to do about that?
The way I see it, you have to decide what you are willing to allow in your life. You must draw a line somewhere for the type of energy you accept in your space. Until you draw that line you will not find peace. You can continue to fight for the relationship you once loved, or you can accept that not everyone will treat you the way you treat you. Not everyone deserves your energy. It is your responsibility to your own sanity to weed out those people who don't deserve your time.
I would never suggest what decision I think you should make for your own life. What I will do, though, is encourage you to remember this:
"What they eat don't make you shit."
Everyone makes their own choices. You are not held accountable for anyone's actions but your own.
At the end of every day you have to answer to yourself. Make decisions you can live with. Love yourself, and value your sanity.
You got this.
~until next time
Hello, loves. I've been trying to figure out how I want to respond to the emails you send me. Some of you have chosen to stay anonymous; others have chosen to allow me to use first names. My issue, though, has been deciding how to address the topics you email me about. To those who have asked me for direct responses, I have responded. But to those who asked me to share your stories, I have some explaining to do (especially to those of you who have been waiting almost two weeks for a response).
I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately with the number of thoughts in my mind at any given time. Nothing is wrong, my life is fine and happy, I have just had far too much going on at once. I'm slowly crossing things off of my list, and I'm feeling more like my normal chaos in my head. With that said I give you this: to those of you I haven't written to, I will write you all back by the end of this weekend.
I'm starting with:
Ms. Private Blogger
First of all, you are very welcome for creating this space. I've always felt I had a message to share with the world but I didn't know how to get it out.
[sidebar] My 5 (on Friday) year old child just asked me about "supper" like a retired southern grandma.
I've always written to myself as well, but I found the problem with that was there was no one to correct me when I was wrong, or help me to see a situation from a different perspective. I will always encourage journaling, blogging, or any way to get your thoughts out if you need to, but we all need an outside voice to help us find our own paths.
"I made a promise to love myself and spread love every chance I get."
Those words hit me hard because that's all I'm trying to do. I'm working to accept myself for my flaws and my mistakes. I'm working to not be so hard on myself. I'm working to just be a better version of myself every day. I've struggled in the recent past with being vulnerable. Now I'm staying open for opportunities to give love without effort and it's a pretty amazing experience to truly want to brighten someone else's day with no regard for how they may or may not reciprocate that feeling.
I met a man in the grocery store yesterday who didn't know me from a can of paint but reached out and asked for my help. He said his wife told him to get his son pull-ups that were big enough for 60lbs or more. I could see on his face that he felt like he was missing something and he knew he couldn't go home with the pack he had in his hand. I moved a few different types around and helped him find exactly what he was looking for. It made me feel so good that something so small was such a big example of how the world is not nearly all bad. He was vulnerable enough to ask a strange lady for help, and I was open enough to help him.
Your email was another example of the good in this world. You were open enough to express your thoughts and feelings to me with only faith in humanity to rely on that I would not share your name. Well, my friend, we are a rare breed. We've both come through things that would have broken others. We both have times when we feel we can't handle our emotions. I assure you, though, that you CAN handle it. I have never seen your face, yet I know you are strong. And you are most definitely not alone.
I truly appreciate your kind words and your encouragement. I will do my best to fill this space with nothing but love and positivity.
Please continue to email me with your thoughts. I am more than glad to help you share your story so that others know they are not alone and they can get through anything life throws at them.
To all my peeps, I hope Ms. Private Blogger and I have given you some food for thought. I hope you all will continue to reach out. Next in line is Mr. Not Single But Lonely.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.