Hello my beautiful people. I have some thoughts I want to get out while I have this drink in my hand and these words on my fingertips. I went to Texas this week to visit two people in particular who are very important to me. One is my best friend of almost ten years and the other is a man who has held my mushy heart in his hands for quite some time now. To say the least, the trip meant a lot to me because I hadn't seen either one of them in a long time. I needed that time to heal from some really significant losses my best friend and I have shared over the last couple of months. I needed her to know that although we live so far from one another we are in no way disconnected. We, at all times, share love and positivity across the vastness of the space between us. I needed that time with this man to feel something I haven't felt in a really long time. I needed to be close to him and express myself. I needed him to see my face and hear my heart.
I'm sharing this with you all because I want you to know in your own lives that there are no boundaries you have to "live your emotions" by. When I say that, I mean that if you have a feeling about someone or something you should follow your heart. If you feel that you need to put effort into having a conversation with someone, then you need to have that conversation. If you feel you need to put effort into a situation you've been distant from, make the time to put that effort in. Your life should be an accumulation of things you do for yourself to learn what you need and what you like and act on that. You must, at all times, be true to yourself - if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? I can't even explain the fear of rejection I felt before I even opened my mouth to have a conversation to this man, but I knew it was a conversation I needed to have. I knew I had no choice but to get these words out of my mind and express to him what I thought and how I felt about our relationship.
I was not met with rejection. I was met with open ears and an acknowledgement of reality that was somehow comforting. I felt heard and valued and I was thankful for him not telling me what I wanted to hear. He was honest. He was gentle. I appreciated every part of our time together and our understanding of what we both want and need.
You should never be afraid to do what I did. Speak up for yourself and what you know will bring more peace into your life. Don't be afraid to love yourself enough to do things that put you outside your comfort zone. We cannot grow if we never step over the lines we set for ourselves out of fear of being uncomfortable.
I shared space with a woman who is working to step outside of her boundaries and I couldn't be more proud to say she plays such in significant part in my life. I love her for the way she pushes herself and acknowledges her fears. She works hard to grow into the things that have the potential to bring more beauty into her life. I admire her greatly, and I pray she knows even an inkling of how much she means to me. She asked me a question that I was unable to answer completely without tears in my eyes for how proud I am to call her my friend. We spoke about our feelings. We got things into the air that we had been holding onto for just that moment together without even realizing we had been waiting to see each other. It felt like I had never moved across the country. It felt like we fell into the love we have for each other with vulnerability and trust, and came out on the other side of our conversation with renewed strength, confidence, and understanding of the place we are in our lives.
We openly and purposefully loved one another with support and understanding. It was important. It was fulfilling. It was pain and emotional exhaustion. It was laughs and positive energy. It was everything we needed it to be.
So, my loves, I tell you all of this to say again that there will be times in your life when you just need what you need. It may be as simple as a lunch with someone who is important to you, or it may be as complicated as an in depth conversation about your heart with someone you love. No matter what it is that will bring you peace, if it matters to you, it matters. You are allowed to desire time and situations that will help bring love into your life. Never sacrifice that.
I am never afraid to share my heart with you if I think it will help you share and explore your heart with yourself.
As always, be strong my beautiful people.
~until next time
Alright, people. Here's something real for you. Chase your ambitions. Period. I feel so sad for people who say they pray for things and they're waiting for their prayers to be answered but they're not heading any of the signs they're being shown. They say they are following the footsteps before them bjt they fail to realize their feet aren't moving. You can't stand still looking around you and say you're being faithful.
I've worked extremely hard to accomplish everything I have. I speak what I want then I work to obtain it. Now of course we don't always get everything we want but just because an opportunity didn't walk through the door doesnt mean the door wasn't opened by the effort we put in. I've watched my doors open and seen what I wanted just out of my reach. And when I don't get those things I want, I understand that the universe has a different path for me. There is no way to see what is in front of us. We can only work hard and stretch our arms out as far as we can. If that doesn't give us what we're reaching for we just have to shift our reach a little to the right or left to make sure we've still done our work to receive the things karma has planned for us.
We can only do. We can never know. We must always reach.
In the words of my homie, Buzz Lightyear: To infinity and beyond.
~until next time
Life is not always fair. There are times when we want things that the universe is not ready for us to have. There are times when we want to keep things that the universe has decided we've had long enough. Life is not always pleasant, but we have to look at where we are and compare it to where we've been. Situationally, we may be in a similar position but we need to look deep into our own minds and hearts. We need to give ourselves credit for the distances we've gone and the growth we've accomplished.
We must always be grateful for what we're given when it's given to us. We must be grateful for the opportunities and the time we have.
Losing loved ones is hard. You may feel extreme sadness or even feel numb. You may want to get angry at the time you think you lost. The truth is, though, that you haven't lost anything. You've gained so much from the time you did have. It takes a long time to truly work through all of the feelings you have, but I encourage you to put some energy into this: All things, even bad things, happen for a good reason.
Process and a grow. Never let the hard things distract you from your purpose and your truth.
I love you, my beautiful people.
~until next time
Maya: something about not liking water
Abijah: water is the best thing for you
Maya: yea, and if you don't drink water your kidneys will go bad
Abijah: yea, that's because our bodies are made of water
Maya- Age 4
Abijah- Age 8
~until next time
Let's all make a decision to stop putting so much effort into people and things that will not matter in the blink of an eye. The world is not crashing down around you just because you didn't get the promotion you really wanted or someone doesn't like you the way you like them. The world isn't even crashing down because you've lost a relationship with a friend. What I can tell you is that you are exactly where you should be. Your life has been moving along and you've been growing and changing and living. Your path is yours alone. No one else can walk it, therefore you cannot compare your path to anyone else's.
Don't sell yourself short just because you want more for your life. Wanting more is a great thing. Just use the feeling of incompletion to help motivate you to work toward your goals.
YOU CAN DO IT. I believe in you, my beautiful people.
~until next time
Working a full time job, raising two daughters, attempting to have a social life, trying to make my family proud, and trying to make myself proud are things I do every day. I'm now beginning my journey of giving. This is step one.